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Disclaimer: The following article mentions the topic of suicide or other sensitive subjects, which may trigger negative thoughts and feelings for those currently suffering or still recovering from a mental or mood disorder. Reader discretion is advised.

During my pregnancy, I found out a very close family member had died. Within a week, I went into labor and my very small baby was born via C-Section. The next day was horrible; I hated life. I didn’t want to be a mother. I also knew I had just delivered a baby whose father did not want to be a dad. I was 20 years old and felt hopeless.

After a week in the hospital, we were released, but I suffered with depression for months afterward. I didn’t want to hurt my baby, but I wanted to die. I had all the support in the world except my own. I cried constantly, and nothing made me happy.

Finally, my parents told me I needed help. I agreed, and attended counseling for almost a year, where I learned I had postpartum depression. After months in counseling, I also learned I had a lot to offer. I began dating, became active in my life decisions, and even had another little boy a few years later. Essentially, life went on. I realized I was loved. I realized I was meant to be here.

My advice to others is to not ignore the signs of postpartum depression or anxiety because it’s dangerous. Know that you can still have a family. Know that postpartum depression or anxiety can go away, and you can feel better.

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