When I had my daughter 10 years ago, I knew there was a possibility I could experience postpartum depression or anxiety, but I didn’t believe it was likely to happen to me. However, my pregnancy and delivery were not normal or pleasant, and the weeks following my emergency C-Section were terrible. I was so sick I could not care for my newborn. I felt like a failure and saw my husband take on the role of both mom and dad. I should have seen his actions to help as heroic, but instead I saw them reflecting my failure and disappointment as a mother. These feelings slowly developed into postpartum depression, as well into resentment towards my husband. I silently suffered for over a year, and I found myself behaving irrationally and doing things I would never had done before.
I hit rock bottom by cheating on my husband and hurting him deeply. Finally, my wake- up call came when my husband said if I didn’t seek help, I would lose both him and my family. Once I found a good doctor to confide in, we pinpointed my problems. I needed medication short term to deal with my emotions. My husband and I began therapy together and found our love to be stronger than it ever was before.
It is important to communicate feelings of failure with your doctor or spouse immediately. I realize that the biggest mistake in my journey was experiencing shame for the feelings I had following the birth instead of speaking up. I became lost in my emotions and could not handle the weight of my own feelings. I lost precious time with my family that I can never get back, but I work every day to make it up to them. Good luck to you, and I wish you all my love in your own journey.