When I heard Emily’s story, I sobbed uncontrollably. Anyone who has suffered from postpartum depression knows exactly what panic, anxiety, and hopelessness feel like.
I knew I was supposed to love my kids, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to hurt my kids, but I just didn’t want to be around them. I felt like I was trapped taking care of these things that constantly took from me and never gave back.
My husband was going to school and working, so I felt guilty asking him for help. I knew something was wrong, but didn’t know what. I was lucky enough to have a doctor recognize my symptoms of feeling constantly tired, nervous, and being emotional all the time. I was shocked when he suggested I had postpartum depression because I thought that diagnosis was only for women who wanted to harm their children or themselves.
I felt so terrible that I didn’t care about the negative stigma surrounding the diagnosis. I gladly took the medicine because I desperately wanted to feel better. Slowly my energy returned, and I began feeling love and connection with my kids.
A week after I learned of Emily’s accident, I had the most vivid dream. I woke up with words in my head and immediately started writing them down. This was such a strange experience. I never met her, but instantly felt a connection with her situation.
These are the words that came to my mind. I have to share them in hopes they will help and inspire others to not be ashamed and reach out for help.
During the happiest moments of your life
You find yourself drifting from the light
You don’t know what you’re feeling or why
But you keep it bottled up inside
When you’re Cinderella at the ball
And you need someone to catch your fall
When you feel like you have lost it all
And your soul is building up a wall
Don’t give up the fight
There is hope in sight
You’ll find strength within
Let the healing begin
It’s a battle that comes deep within
And you don’t know how to lose or win
When you feel like there’s no hope at all
Please stop. We will hear your call
We will catch your fall and together we will conquer all