I had my first baby while my husband was in dental school. We had no family support nearby, and I found myself crying often after he was born. Where was the joy I was expecting? I didn’t anticipate motherhood would feel like this. I often couldn’t leave my house because my anxiety was so bad, and I felt like I couldn’t do anything for myself without feeling selfish. I struggled with the thought of others judging me for my feeding choices; I felt like I had no other choice but to breastfeed.

I wish I could go back and tell myself I wouldn’t feel this way forever; things do get better. I was so consumed with fear that I don’t remember much of the first year of my child’s life. I recently had my 3rd baby, and I chose to formula feed, which was the best decision I could have made for myself and my baby. I’ve still had to adjust my thinking, but I have noticed I’m happier and more relaxed. I enjoy more moments now.

I’m grateful my husband encouraged me to seek help and get on medication. I am also grateful for viewing therapy with an open mind. Therapy has helped me realize that not all my thoughts are true. If you feel stuck or out of control, please know that it’s ok. Others have felt this too, and it does not define who you are. Postpartum depression and anxiety are real, but there is help and hope in the future.